Disenchanted with 'Adulthood'

I don't know how to start this one... I abhor the concept of modern 'adulthood;' I miss that childlike innocence and playfulness that permeated my world years ago... I'm going to start with a personal note (the world), but then I'm going to get a little bit more philosophical (the way it should be)...

Over the past few weeks or months or whatever, my world has progressively made less and less sense, a feeling that I'm sure just about everyone has had to deal with at at least one point in their lives... most of the stuff is too personal to discuss in so potentially public a forum, but suffice it to say that my life has fallen apart (again...) almost entirely due to the different things that come with 'adult life' in today's world, things like death, expectations, responsibilities, love, etc...

But... Sex.

Sex has come to be the focal point of society. The knowledge of its existence marks the beginnings of one's journey into adulthood. Later in life, sex turns into our singular obsession. Everything eventually turns into a sex joke. Everything sounds dirty, even when we don't know why.

I'm sick of it. It's annoying and frustrating. There is more in this world to focus on and talk about. I would love to go a day with no mention or thought of sex; it is a kind of dream of mine now.

My views on sex have always been tainted and confused by the culture that I have grown up in. Recently, I have become even more disenchanted. I have always known that sex had become something vulgar, but I had always believed that it could still hold true beauty for some... Now, I'm not so sure.

Sex should be something beautiful. It should be an expression of the incredible love that two people feel for each other. It should never feel like something that could be regretted... It shouldn't feel dirty, it shouldn't feel like any kind of expectation, and you shouldn't have any doubt whatsoever... Most of us have lost that today...

To make a long post a lot shorter, I'm going to cut out philosophizing too much more on the concepts we hold on sex and those that we should hold... I think that most of you know what I have in mind in regards to sex and that any further explanation of the topic would be a waste of words and space when most of you (hopefully) get the basic point...

I'm tired of sex... The very thought of it (in the broader concept from vaginal to what I've heard people classify as just 'messing [or fooling] around') leaves me feeling empty, nautious, sick (beyond just nautious, but the further feelings of weakness, instant loss of energy, headaches, etc), and depressed... I'm disenchanted and trying to escape 'adulthood.' I miss that childhood innocence and playfullness... so... I've been incredibly pathetic the past few days... I've only found one way to escape for brief moments until my own tainted mind catches up with me again (or someone else's sense I'm always on the internet... I can't ever seem to do just one thing unless it really is the most important thing in my life, and I haven't had that for months, except when I was standing in the rain in my previous post)... Thank God for PBS Kids! Even Disney and Nickolodean don't really cut it anymore (thank you Miley Cyrus et al)... Most times, sports are still pure, but you have to change the channel during commercials, turn off the volume so you can't hear the announcers, and look away any time the cameras pan over the audience...

The days of Big Bird, Barney, and Mr. Rodgers are special parts of our lives, innocent and playful. We should never completely let go of them, but the basic point of this blog entry is that sex should be beautiful... If the sex or messing around is not going to be beautiful, for any reason whatsoever (and you can all come up with your own examples, and if I were to try to include them here, my list would not be anywhere near properly inclusive), you should not do it... We are all going to make mistakes, of some kind, in our lives. We all deserve to be forgiven for those mistakes and not have them haunt us for any lengthy portion of our lives, but it is our responsibility to learn from those mistakes and not continually put ourselves into positions where repeating those same old mistakes becomes increasingly likely.

Thanks for your time in reading such an incredibly long blog post... I just didn't feel like I could say this in any fewer words, and I really wanted to use more and more and more... but I didn't...